After seeing Tom Hooper’s Les Miz reflections on: love, life, forgiveness, family, movies,
books and what lies ahead….
Prologue:
This essay/blog is going to
start very personal and then get more philosophical and then become very
personal again. My intent is to make this as real from my heart, truthful and
open as I am capable of reflecting and writing. If you read this, all of this,
you will know me better than you do now (not only friends, but family).
Family:
I have seen Les Miz as a stage production twice,
once in the U.S. and once by the London Company, in London (on Susan’s
birthday). I own several CD’s and DVD’s of the show and the music.
Whenever I hear Jean Val Jean
sing: “God on high—bring him home,” I am moved to tears as I think of my oldest
son and all he has gone through. He had a great life for 20 years until he
experienced a horrible assault in South Chicago. He has experienced several
PTSD and anxiety attacks ever since and has never been at peace. This
mental/emotional problem has cost him marriages, and jobs and relationships
despite counseling and therapy and extensive PTSD treatment. So, I pray for him
every morning and every night long for the time when he can be at peace with
the world.
The lyrics of the song “God
on high—bring him home” are found at the end of this essay. (More on the family
to come.)
Movies:
I want to start this section
by talking about Les Miz the movie
vs. Les Miz the stage play and Les Miserable the Victor Hugo book. As I
mentioned, I have seen top-flight stage productions of Les Miz and they are spectacular. What the movie gives you is a
very different experience with the 1980 Alain Boublil and Claude-Michel Schonberg’s musical. The power of
the Tom Hooper movie is the close ups of the lead characters, something that
cannot be experienced in watching a play from 300 feet away. Also, the
technique he used of having the actors sing in a non-operatic way without a big
orchestra accompaniment allowed them to act and express the full range of
emotions through their faces and their voices as well as the music and the
lyrics. The result is powerful.
The movie is not a play and the sets and
scenery are much more realistic than those of a play. And the movie is not
Hugo’s 1100 page book, filled with history, philosophical insights and
interjections from the author. The movie is what it is and if you open your
hearts and minds to the experience, it will touch something deep inside of you.
I want to keep this essay positive, so this
will be my only response to the critics who didn’t like the actors singing and
feel that it should have been great singers acting. I could criticize this view
on multiple counts, but let me just say to these critics: “I feel sorry for you
that you cannot open your hearts and be touched by what is being offered to you
by the director and by the actor/singers. The loss is yours!
My wife, Susan, said afterwards, this movie
should win a number of Academy Awards. I don’t know if that will happen. There
are a lot of great movies out there this year like: Life of Pi, Lincoln, and Argo just to name a few. I have always
preferred the format of the Golden Globes to that of the Academy Awards, which
has separate categories of awards for drama and for comedy/musicals. Lumping
them into one category is like comparing apples and oranges and most times,
with the AA awards, the musicals lose.
All of what happens with awards should be
irrelevant anyway to you and to me. What constitutes a good movie for any
person is whether or not it is something you will enjoy watching over and over
and over. Based on that standard Les Miz
and Life of Pi WILL BE in my home
library!
Books:
Seeing the movie also made me
think of my book Lessons In Honor
(which almost everything does since I published it six months ago). Here is
what heightened my frustration:
Victor Hugo wrote a book
about: courage, integrity, honesty, leadership, love, loyalty, forgiveness,
heroes and villains, individual acts that have consequences on a larger scale,
facing the future. His themes:
Protecting yourself from
powerful organizations and people
Being true to yourself,
regardless of the consequences, and
Are their wars worth
fighting?
I wrote a book about:
courage, integrity, honesty, leadership, love, loyalty, forgiveness, heroes and
villains, individual acts that have consequences on a larger scale, facing the
future. My themes:
Protecting yourself from
powerful organizations and people
Being true to yourself,
regardless of the consequences, and
Are their wars worth
fighting?
I am NOT making comparisons
between Victor Hugo’s writing talents and mine. In fact let’s leave Victor Hugo
out of the discussion entirely.
I received great joy from
FINALLY finishing the writing of my book and having it published in a format
that all those who have read it so far have loved.
My big frustration has been
with the marketing of the book and the lack of success with sales—to date. My
objective is to get my book into the hands of as many readers as possible, not
to make money or gain fame, but because I believe it is saying some things that
are important lessons that can enrich all of the reader’s lives.
With no agent or publicist
for backup, I have labored long and hard and I believe creatively to get the
book in the hands of the media, book stores, internet sources, talk shows both
local and national, and movie producers and directors. The lack of response on
the national level was to be expected and I soldier on with that effort, but I
thought the local media and the USAFA alumni would embrace the book and my
personal story of what I made of my life after this monumental and historic
beginning with academic failure. The lack of response has been very
disappointing.
My brother Bruce who has 16
books “out there” says I just need to keep writing, as he is compelled to do
each day. But…my compulsion was to get this book out there and have it succeed.
I have a whole series outlined based on the characters Pete Sutton and Alma
Shaw, but I am sure that unless and until this book succeeds, additional
writing and publishing by me is very unlikely. Good writing requires a fire in
the belly and if this work of my whole adult life does not resonate with
readers, then I lament the success of future books.
Go Bruce!
Family:
I have eight children: the
first five, the second three. Though the two tiers of children had different
mothers, both good women, they all had the same father. They were all raised in
the same way. I worked all of their lives, often at more than one job at a
time, to support them. I attended PTA and parent-teacher meetings. I supported
their scout and church activities. I got up at night and took care of them when
they were sick. I went to court with them when there were problems with their
driving. I went to school with them when there were problems at school. We did
lots of fun things together and we talked frequently one on one.
Many
experiences have transpired since then. As adults, there have been divorces,
car accidents, job losses, serious illnesses, and I have always been there for
them.
And where do things stand
now? I have four of the eight that I am very close to; three of them who have
or want little to do with me; and one who has “disowned” me entirely.
The dream of “the ideal
family” and the reality are two very different things…so far. Which leads me to
reflections on expectations…and forgiveness.
Forgiveness:
Two quotes that guided my
life and my writing of Lessons In Honor
are:
Donald Maass writes of “The
Highest Character Qualities” and after a brief recounting of the story of the
Prodigal Son states: “The reason the story moves us is not that the son had
repented but that the father has forgiven. Practice forgiveness in your fiction
(and in your life). It is a powerful source of character strength.” (Writing the Breakout Novel, Writer’s
Digest Books, 2001, page 122).
Throughout the Holy
Scriptures the Lord makes clear that He will forgive who He chooses to forgive,
but for you and me “it is required to forgive ALL men.” (Multiple citations)
We are struck in Les Miz when Jean Val Jean forgives
Javier and frees him, after all Javier has done to him. And he tells him there
are no conditions on his forgiveness. Such forgiveness comes of love that is
pure and seeks nothing in return; there is no quid pro quo.
In Lessons In Honor, when Alma and Walt tell Pete of the downfall and
disgrace of his nemisis General Hardin, this exchange takes place:
Alma smiled slowly; (After
the cheating scandal of 1985 and the official report placing blame for these
events) “General Hardin was replaced as Commandant one month later and returned
to Strategic Air Command. He was retired from the Air Force without ever
receiving his second star.”
Pete’s jaw dropped. Walt
broke the silence. “So Pete, do you feel vindicated?”
Pete shook his head. “Mostly
I just feel sad. All of those athletes who lost graduation, like I did, and this
scandal, will affect the rest of their lives. The Academy was a light on a hill
for so many. Sure, they can get back to that, but it’s going to be a long, hard
climb.”
(Then Walt talked about
Academic reforms because of what happened) and then he said: “That should be
some vindication for you Pete, although it comes too late to do you any good.”
Pete smiled and shook his
head thoughtfully. “I don’t think Hardin was so bad really.”
“What?” Walt said
incredulously. Since when?”
(Pete explains) “Hardin was a
driven man, but his motives were not evil. In fact he had the best of
intentions. He was determined to have the Academy turn out the finest officers
the Academy could produce. That is a noble motive; he just went about it the
wrong way.
(Pete goes on and then
concludes) “I don’t fault any of them for their intentions; it was the
execution that was flawed, and look what it led to.”
They all sat quietly,
listening to the river.
Jean Val Jean forgave the
person who could have destroyed his life.
Pete Sutton forgave the
General who could have destroyed his life.
And I forgave the General who
could have destroyed my life.
Our lives work out exactly
the way they are supposed to. I really believe that.
I have suffered several
significant loses during my 70 years. The first was the loss of my father to
cancer when I was twelve. I did not know he was dying, I never saw it coming.
The second major loss was having the Academy act with such detachment in
severing me from my band of brothers. I did not think it could happen, it never
had to a First Classman, I never saw it coming. The third significant loss was
the ending of a marriage. I had no idea we were in deep trouble, I never saw it
coming.
In the Life of Pi, Yann Martell has Pi Patel saying, “It’s important to
conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with
words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse.
These ‘missed’ goodbyes hurt me to this day.” In the movie Life of Pi, Pi says to the writer, “I wish I could have seen my
father one last time; could have told him that I loved him and hugged him
goodbye.”
Those three “incomplete and
abrupt” endings are the sources of my completion nightmares that have continued
for decades. In them I am always getting another chance to make everything work
out okay.
I had a lot of anger around
these events for many years, aimed in many directions, including at myself. It
has taken years of working on forgiveness to find some peace and some closure.
But it is possible and it is necessary…if I ever hope to get home.
What lies ahead?
Jean Val Jean sings “Who am
I?” I ask that question a lot of myself. For me as a believing Christian there
are serious implications for what my life will be like after I die.
Here are some things I “know
to not be true;” and things I “know to be true.”
Beliefs many people hold
that are NOT true:
1.
Life is just
life, it doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t go anywhere; It has no other purpose
rather than just survival and personal gratification.
2.
Getting to
“Heaven” or “Hell” is about the balance scales of your life—good acts vs. evil
deeds. (I put the two words/places in quotes because there is much more to life
after death than just going to heaven or being in hell.) Life is about a
balance scale weighing good deeds against our bad acts and seeing which way the
scale tips.
3.
Quid pro quo—Life
is about doing things for others so that they will do things for us, or doing
good things so that we will be blessed with good “karma.”
What IS true:
Life is about “becoming.” If
we want to live with Him forever, then we must become like Him. Living our
lives with that goal in mind is living our lives to become more like Him each
day.
One of the most powerful
lines in Les Miz, coming near the end
of the story is:
“To love another person is to
see the face of God.” To love another person as He loved them is to be like him
and hence provides a hope of living with Him and our loved ones forever. Pure
Christ-like loves comes from doing good and serving others with no end or
reward in sight, but just because it is who we are, who we have become.
So I ask myself again, and
continuously: “Who am I?”
One of my heroes, the Apostle
Paul says in Romans 7:18-19: “For I know that in me (that is in my flesh,)
dwelleth no good thing; for to will is present with me: but how to perform that
which is good I find not.” “For the good that I would I do not: but the evil
which I would not, that I do.”
Like Jean Val Jean and Pete
Sutton, I have made a lot of mistakes and committed many sins. Despite my
desire to do otherwise, this continues to be true about me.
I am a good person, I know
that. I have worked very hard to do good things for others: my wife, my
children, my grand-children, my neighbors, my friends, and those who often
cannot help themselves—in China, in Fiji and the Burmese refugee’s right here
at home.
Is it enough?
“Who am I?
Will God on high bring me
home?
Afterword:
Bruce, and all good writers,
write because they “have to” write. I wrote this because I “had to write it.”
Did the viewing of Les Miz cause me
to write this essay? I don’t think that is it. I think these feelings are
always inside of me and because I opened my heart to the messages of the movie
and the music, it just had to come out. I share it with you in the same spirit
and if it touches a few of you,
I am grateful.
Lin Bothwell
Appendix A:
Lyrics to “God on High—bring
him home”; my homage to my oldest son and his valiant struggle with life; and
to my step-son who has also been through so much.
I love you both and wish you
peace. Dad
VALJEAN
God on high
Hear my prayer
In my need
You have always been there
He is young
He's afraid
Let him rest
Heaven blessed.
Bring him home
Bring him home
Bring him home.
He's like the son I might have known
If God had granted me a son.
The summers die
One by one
How soon they fly
On and on
And I am old
And will be gone.
Bring him peace
Bring him joy
He is young
He is only a boy
You can take
You can give
Let him be
Let him live
If I die, let me die
Let him live
Bring him home
Bring him home
Bring him home.
I have memories of a very
memorable drive over the North Ogden Divide with my three youngest, when I was
taking care of them alone. We talked of our family, and it’s challenges, and
how we felt about one another. I always think about that trip when I think of
any of them…and whenever I hear Rod Stewart’s “Forever Young.” This is my wish
for you three. Love, Dad
Lyrics to “Forever Young”
Songwriters: ROD STEWART,
JIM CREGAN, BOB DYLAN, KEVIN SAVIGAR
May the good lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
With a prince or a vagabond
And may you never love in vain
And in my heart you'll always remain
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
And when you finally fly away
I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell
But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you, win or lose
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
For, forever young, forever young
I love you all, all 13!
Dad
Bo SchembechlerMichigan (19). Total wins: 900. Junk wins: 57 (at least). Percentage of all-time wins that are junk: 6.3. Persistent pigeon: Case Institute of Technology (Ohio), 26-0-1 record. Scheduled junk win that turned into a bad loss: Cleveland AA 8, Michigan 4. What, you were expecting Appalachian State? (Since the game was played in 1891, the AA is not believed to be Alcoholics Anonymous.)
Trojan warriorUSC (23). Total wins: 785. Junk wins: 102 (at least). Percentage of all-time wins that are junk: 13.5. Persistent pigeon: The Trojans were 12-1-1 against Cal Tech from 1893-1927. Scheduled junk win that turned into a bad loss: USC lost to the Olive Club 16-12 in 1891. If anyone has any idea what the Olive Club was or is, holler.