After seeing Tom Hooper’s Les Miz reflections on: love, life, forgiveness, family, movies, books and what lies ahead….

Prologue:

This essay/blog is going to start very personal and then get more philosophical and then become very personal again. My intent is to make this as real from my heart, truthful and open as I am capable of reflecting and writing. If you read this, all of this, you will know me better than you do now (not only friends, but family).

Family:

I have seen Les Miz as a stage production twice, once in the U.S. and once by the London Company, in London (on Susan’s birthday). I own several CD’s and DVD’s of the show and the music.

Whenever I hear Jean Val Jean sing: “God on high—bring him home,” I am moved to tears as I think of my oldest son and all he has gone through. He had a great life for 20 years until he experienced a horrible assault in South Chicago. He has experienced several PTSD and anxiety attacks ever since and has never been at peace. This mental/emotional problem has cost him marriages, and jobs and relationships despite counseling and therapy and extensive PTSD treatment. So, I pray for him every morning and every night long for the time when he can be at peace with the world.

The lyrics of the song “God on high—bring him home” are found at the end of this essay. (More on the family to come.)

Movies:

I want to start this section by talking about Les Miz the movie vs. Les Miz the stage play and Les Miserable the Victor Hugo book. As I mentioned, I have seen top-flight stage productions of Les Miz and they are spectacular. What the movie gives you is a very different experience with the 1980 Alain Boublil and Claude-Michel Schonberg’s musical. The power of the Tom Hooper movie is the close ups of the lead characters, something that cannot be experienced in watching a play from 300 feet away. Also, the technique he used of having the actors sing in a non-operatic way without a big orchestra accompaniment allowed them to act and express the full range of emotions through their faces and their voices as well as the music and the lyrics. The result is powerful.

The movie is not a play and the sets and scenery are much more realistic than those of a play. And the movie is not Hugo’s 1100 page book, filled with history, philosophical insights and interjections from the author. The movie is what it is and if you open your hearts and minds to the experience, it will touch something deep inside of you.

I want to keep this essay positive, so this will be my only response to the critics who didn’t like the actors singing and feel that it should have been great singers acting. I could criticize this view on multiple counts, but let me just say to these critics: “I feel sorry for you that you cannot open your hearts and be touched by what is being offered to you by the director and by the actor/singers. The loss is yours!

My wife, Susan, said afterwards, this movie should win a number of Academy Awards. I don’t know if that will happen. There are a lot of great movies out there this year like: Life of Pi, Lincoln, and Argo just to name a few. I have always preferred the format of the Golden Globes to that of the Academy Awards, which has separate categories of awards for drama and for comedy/musicals. Lumping them into one category is like comparing apples and oranges and most times, with the AA awards, the musicals lose.

All of what happens with awards should be irrelevant anyway to you and to me. What constitutes a good movie for any person is whether or not it is something you will enjoy watching over and over and over. Based on that standard Les Miz and Life of Pi WILL BE in my home library!

Books:

Seeing the movie also made me think of my book Lessons In Honor (which almost everything does since I published it six months ago). Here is what heightened my frustration:

Victor Hugo wrote a book about: courage, integrity, honesty, leadership, love, loyalty, forgiveness, heroes and villains, individual acts that have consequences on a larger scale, facing the future. His themes:

Protecting yourself from powerful organizations and people

Being true to yourself, regardless of the consequences, and

Are their wars worth fighting?

I wrote a book about: courage, integrity, honesty, leadership, love, loyalty, forgiveness, heroes and villains, individual acts that have consequences on a larger scale, facing the future. My themes:

Protecting yourself from powerful organizations and people

Being true to yourself, regardless of the consequences, and

Are their wars worth fighting?

I am NOT making comparisons between Victor Hugo’s writing talents and mine. In fact let’s leave Victor Hugo out of the discussion entirely.

I received great joy from FINALLY finishing the writing of my book and having it published in a format that all those who have read it so far have loved.

My big frustration has been with the marketing of the book and the lack of success with sales—to date. My objective is to get my book into the hands of as many readers as possible, not to make money or gain fame, but because I believe it is saying some things that are important lessons that can enrich all of the reader’s lives.

With no agent or publicist for backup, I have labored long and hard and I believe creatively to get the book in the hands of the media, book stores, internet sources, talk shows both local and national, and movie producers and directors. The lack of response on the national level was to be expected and I soldier on with that effort, but I thought the local media and the USAFA alumni would embrace the book and my personal story of what I made of my life after this monumental and historic beginning with academic failure. The lack of response has been very disappointing.

My brother Bruce who has 16 books “out there” says I just need to keep writing, as he is compelled to do each day. But…my compulsion was to get this book out there and have it succeed. I have a whole series outlined based on the characters Pete Sutton and Alma Shaw, but I am sure that unless and until this book succeeds, additional writing and publishing by me is very unlikely. Good writing requires a fire in the belly and if this work of my whole adult life does not resonate with readers, then I lament the success of future books.

Go Bruce!

Family:

I have eight children: the first five, the second three. Though the two tiers of children had different mothers, both good women, they all had the same father. They were all raised in the same way. I worked all of their lives, often at more than one job at a time, to support them. I attended PTA and parent-teacher meetings. I supported their scout and church activities. I got up at night and took care of them when they were sick. I went to court with them when there were problems with their driving. I went to school with them when there were problems at school. We did lots of fun things together and we talked frequently one on one.

Many experiences have transpired since then. As adults, there have been divorces, car accidents, job losses, serious illnesses, and I have always been there for them.

And where do things stand now? I have four of the eight that I am very close to; three of them who have or want little to do with me; and one who has “disowned” me entirely.

The dream of “the ideal family” and the reality are two very different things…so far. Which leads me to reflections on expectations…and forgiveness.

Forgiveness:

Two quotes that guided my life and my writing of Lessons In Honor are:

Donald Maass writes of “The Highest Character Qualities” and after a brief recounting of the story of the Prodigal Son states: “The reason the story moves us is not that the son had repented but that the father has forgiven. Practice forgiveness in your fiction (and in your life). It is a powerful source of character strength.” (Writing the Breakout Novel, Writer’s Digest Books, 2001, page 122).

Throughout the Holy Scriptures the Lord makes clear that He will forgive who He chooses to forgive, but for you and me “it is required to forgive ALL men.” (Multiple citations)

We are struck in Les Miz when Jean Val Jean forgives Javier and frees him, after all Javier has done to him. And he tells him there are no conditions on his forgiveness. Such forgiveness comes of love that is pure and seeks nothing in return; there is no quid pro quo.

In Lessons In Honor, when Alma and Walt tell Pete of the downfall and disgrace of his nemisis General Hardin, this exchange takes place:

Alma smiled slowly; (After the cheating scandal of 1985 and the official report placing blame for these events) “General Hardin was replaced as Commandant one month later and returned to Strategic Air Command. He was retired from the Air Force without ever receiving his second star.”

Pete’s jaw dropped. Walt broke the silence. “So Pete, do you feel vindicated?”

Pete shook his head. “Mostly I just feel sad. All of those athletes who lost graduation, like I did, and this scandal, will affect the rest of their lives. The Academy was a light on a hill for so many. Sure, they can get back to that, but it’s going to be a long, hard climb.”

(Then Walt talked about Academic reforms because of what happened) and then he said: “That should be some vindication for you Pete, although it comes too late to do you any good.”

Pete smiled and shook his head thoughtfully. “I don’t think Hardin was so bad really.”

“What?” Walt said incredulously. Since when?”

(Pete explains) “Hardin was a driven man, but his motives were not evil. In fact he had the best of intentions. He was determined to have the Academy turn out the finest officers the Academy could produce. That is a noble motive; he just went about it the wrong way.

(Pete goes on and then concludes) “I don’t fault any of them for their intentions; it was the execution that was flawed, and look what it led to.”

They all sat quietly, listening to the river.

Jean Val Jean forgave the person who could have destroyed his life.

Pete Sutton forgave the General who could have destroyed his life.

And I forgave the General who could have destroyed my life.

Our lives work out exactly the way they are supposed to. I really believe that.

I have suffered several significant loses during my 70 years. The first was the loss of my father to cancer when I was twelve. I did not know he was dying, I never saw it coming. The second major loss was having the Academy act with such detachment in severing me from my band of brothers. I did not think it could happen, it never had to a First Classman, I never saw it coming. The third significant loss was the ending of a marriage. I had no idea we were in deep trouble, I never saw it coming.

In the Life of Pi, Yann Martell has Pi Patel saying, “It’s important to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. Otherwise you are left with words you should have said but never did, and your heart is heavy with remorse. These ‘missed’ goodbyes hurt me to this day.” In the movie Life of Pi, Pi says to the writer, “I wish I could have seen my father one last time; could have told him that I loved him and hugged him goodbye.”

Those three “incomplete and abrupt” endings are the sources of my completion nightmares that have continued for decades. In them I am always getting another chance to make everything work out okay.

I had a lot of anger around these events for many years, aimed in many directions, including at myself. It has taken years of working on forgiveness to find some peace and some closure. But it is possible and it is necessary…if I ever hope to get home.

What lies ahead?

Jean Val Jean sings “Who am I?” I ask that question a lot of myself. For me as a believing Christian there are serious implications for what my life will be like after I die.

Here are some things I “know to not be true;” and things I “know to be true.”

Beliefs many people hold that are NOT true:

1.     Life is just life, it doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t go anywhere; It has no other purpose rather than just survival and personal gratification.

2.     Getting to “Heaven” or “Hell” is about the balance scales of your life—good acts vs. evil deeds. (I put the two words/places in quotes because there is much more to life after death than just going to heaven or being in hell.) Life is about a balance scale weighing good deeds against our bad acts and seeing which way the scale tips.

3.     Quid pro quo—Life is about doing things for others so that they will do things for us, or doing good things so that we will be blessed with good “karma.”

What IS true:

Life is about “becoming.” If we want to live with Him forever, then we must become like Him. Living our lives with that goal in mind is living our lives to become more like Him each day.

One of the most powerful lines in Les Miz, coming near the end of the story is:

“To love another person is to see the face of God.” To love another person as He loved them is to be like him and hence provides a hope of living with Him and our loved ones forever. Pure Christ-like loves comes from doing good and serving others with no end or reward in sight, but just because it is who we are, who we have become.

So I ask myself again, and continuously: “Who am I?”

One of my heroes, the Apostle Paul says in Romans 7:18-19: “For I know that in me (that is in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing; for to will is present with me: but how to perform that which is good I find not.” “For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.”

Like Jean Val Jean and Pete Sutton, I have made a lot of mistakes and committed many sins. Despite my desire to do otherwise, this continues to be true about me.

I am a good person, I know that. I have worked very hard to do good things for others: my wife, my children, my grand-children, my neighbors, my friends, and those who often cannot help themselves—in China, in Fiji and the Burmese refugee’s right here at home.

Is it enough?

 “Who am I?

Will God on high bring me home?

Afterword:

Bruce, and all good writers, write because they “have to” write. I wrote this because I “had to write it.” Did the viewing of Les Miz cause me to write this essay? I don’t think that is it. I think these feelings are always inside of me and because I opened my heart to the messages of the movie and the music, it just had to come out. I share it with you in the same spirit and if it touches a few of you,

I am grateful.

Lin Bothwell

Appendix A:

Lyrics to “God on High—bring him home”; my homage to my oldest son and his valiant struggle with life; and to my step-son who has also been through so much.

I love you both and wish you peace. Dad

VALJEAN
God on high
Hear my prayer
In my need
You have always been there

He is young
He's afraid
Let him rest
Heaven blessed.
Bring him home
Bring him home
Bring him home.

He's like the son I might have known
If God had granted me a son.
The summers die
One by one
How soon they fly
On and on
And I am old
And will be gone.

Bring him peace
Bring him joy
He is young
He is only a boy

You can take
You can give
Let him be
Let him live
If I die, let me die
Let him live
Bring him home
Bring him home
Bring him home.

I have memories of a very memorable drive over the North Ogden Divide with my three youngest, when I was taking care of them alone. We talked of our family, and it’s challenges, and how we felt about one another. I always think about that trip when I think of any of them…and whenever I hear Rod Stewart’s “Forever Young.” This is my wish for you three. Love, Dad

Lyrics to “Forever Young”

Songwriters: ROD STEWART, JIM CREGAN, BOB DYLAN, KEVIN SAVIGAR
May the good lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when you're far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart you'll always stay
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young

May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
With a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain
And in my heart you'll always remain
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
And when you finally fly away
I'll be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you, win or lose
Forever young, forever young 
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
For, forever young, forever young

I love you all, all 13!

Dad 

I have not posted Blogs nearly as often as I intended when I set this up on my website. One reason for this is the dearth of followers, people who actually read the blogs. I am a story teller and a writer and my inter-personal style is expressive, which means I like to have an audience. I have a lot of things to say: both profound, insightful and humorous. I have had many years of extremely varied experiences all over the world that I would love to share with a lot of people--but it's finding and keeping the people that is the challenge. I have the followings on Facebook and a tiny group on Twitter and Linked-In; but the blogs languish.

Anyway, I am working on a long, significant one now and will post it when I feel it is ready. I hope some of your will read and comment.

Thanks!
Lin
January 4, 2013www.facebook.com